Ben Natan’s Mock Mock Draft

After scouring the internet for other mock drafts and watching hours of film, I have come up with what I believe to be the best summation of Mock Drafts across the internet and have put together the best, and most accurate Mock yet.

1. Houston Texans- Johnny Manziel (QB, Texas A&M): Despite many claiming Teddy Bridgewater is the best quarterback in this class, he has issues with his build and his deep accuracy so he certainly can’t be it. Instead, the Texans go with a quarterback with a weaker arm and an even bigger concern about their build, but can run around in circles for a very long time.

2. St. Louis Rams (From Washington)- Jadeveon Clowney (DE, South Carolina): Despite having a very talented tandem of defensive ends, could you imagine how awesome it would be if they added one more? Who cares about protecting your potential franchise quarterback when you can hit the other one just as much!

3. Jacksonville Jaguars- Blake Bortles (QB, UCF): Teddy Bridgewater gets passed over in favor of local hero, Blake Bortles. Bortles is big, moves well and has a decent arm but differentiates from Bridgewater due to his poor decision making and inability to read coverages.

4. Cleveland Browns- AJ McCarron (QB, Alabama): Cleveland has had a lot of talent on their team in recent years but somehow have not been able to win. No worries, AJ comes along with only four career losses over the span of  three years of starting in the SEC, which is harder to play in than the AFC. He has been incredibly good at being elevated by a talented team so hopefully that formula works out in the pros!

5. Oakland Raiders- Sammy Watkins (WR, Clemson): Raiders have a horrible situation at quarterback but now that horrible quarterback has an opportunity to throw to someone who is very fast! The Davis family rejoices as Watkins burns every corner in the NFL but the ball is consistently under thrown by the terrible quarterback.

6. Atlanta Falcons- Jake Matthews (OT, Texas A&M): Despite having a ton of money invested in their left tackle, the Falcons spend a pick on the very talented Matthews in stead of trying to fix their terrible front seven.

7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- Mike Evans (WR, Texas A&M): The Bucaneers have issues at defensive line, offensive line, tight end and quarterback but how about they draft another receiver because they don’t have enough money invested in Vincent Jackson and Mike Williams.

8. Minnesota Vikings- Teddy Bridgewater (QB, Louisville): Unfortunately for the Vikings, they won a few more games than the other quarterback needing teams so they select the most under hyped of the “first round quarterbacks”. Bridgewater is a smart player with a good arm, phenomenal pocket presence, solid mobility and is a great decision maker. Unfortunately, he has a slight build (due to recovery from oral surgery, but who cares), an erratic deep ball and plays in the AAC, so the jump to the NFL will be even harder (not really).

9. Buffalo Bills- Khalil Mack (OLB, Buffalo): Despite having a team total of 57 sacks last year and having four players who had seven sacks or more, the Bills add the do it all linebacker who specializes in, you guessed it, pass rushing! Never mind the Bills QBs were sacked 48 times or that the team will probably not have a legitimate tight end on their roster, hitting the quarterback is so much better than helping the team’s.

10. Detroit Lions- Justin Gilbert (CB, Oklahoma State): The Lions do indeed have a porous pass defense and frankly they are not improving it much by adding Gilbert. Not to worry though, he runs incredibly fast in a straight line which completely make up for every time he gets lost in coverage or is asked to tackle and instead would just rather not. Basically more of the same in the Detroit secondary.

11. Tennessee Titans- CJ Mosley (LB, Alabama): Mosley was the phenomenal centerpiece of the great Crimson Tide defense that has made AJ McCarron the quarterback prospect he is. Despite a massive defensive improvement this year, the Titans select a linebacker despite the fact that they may not have a quarterback heading into the 2014 season.

12. New York Giants- Anthony Barr (OLB, UCLA): Going with the very popular seeming strategy of seeing if you can hit the other teams’ quarterback more than they hit yours without protecting your two time Superbowl MVP quarterback, the Giants select a dynamic pass rusher from UCLA. However, he is not really that dynamic, he is just really fast in a straight line. Don’t ask him to get off blocks or make an open field tackle, but be amazed at how fast he can recover from that missed tackle by chasing the ball carrier from behind.

13. St. Louis Rams- Cyrus Kouandjio (OT, Alabama): Because they decided to get Clowney with their first pick, they will have to settle for the seventh or so best tackle on the board. He is physically impressive but gets constantly beat by speed rushers, which is fine because the 49ers and the Seahawks have no speed rushers on their team. Also, like his former quarterback, AJ McCarron, Kouandjio has been a part of a ton of winning teams at Alabama, which counts for something I guess.

14. Chicago Bears- Derek Carr (QB, Fresno State) Carr is one of the most physically gifted quarterbacks in the class but has fallen this far due tot eh fact that he plays in the Mountain West and has lost 15 games in his three years of starting, all by himself! Not to mention his older brother is David Carr which means the Bears will inevitably get him sacked 76 times in his rookie year and he will bust…  Never mind that the Bears just gave Jay Cutler a huge contract, this is a mock draft and as many teams as possible have to draft a quarterback.

15. Pittsburgh Steelers- Darqueze Dennard (CB, Michigan State): With the aging happening on the Steelers defense, it seems as if the whole team is slowing down on that once vaunted side of the ball. Adding the very physical Dennard will bring back the hard nosed style of defensive football. Never mind that Dennard has a long speed deficency that has seen him being burned by Boise State and Iowa wide receivers (not exactly speed freaks). Good thing fast receivers like Torrey Smith and Josh Gordon are not in the division…

16. Baltimore Ravens- Eric Ebron (TE, UNC): Ebron is phenomenally talented tight end and probably one of the best tight ends I have ever scouted. Fitting for him to land on a Ravens team that cannot protect their 120 million dollar quarterback and can’t block for their 40 million dollar running back.

17. Dallas Cowboys- HaHa Clinton Dix (S, Alabama): The Cowboys luck out by selecting the draft’s top safety in Clinton Dix. He is very versatile and can sure up the middle of a secondary very quickly. However, I don’t think he is going to make Brandon Carr any better or improve the Cowboys’ offensive playcalling.

18. New York Jets- Ra’Shede Hageman (DL, Minnesota): Another year, another first round defensive lineman for the Jets. Hageman is an absolute freak and will add an insane dynamic to the Jets’ front. However, he won’t be able to catch passes from Geno Smith which means Smith can continue to throw to a former quarterback and the other team.

19. Miami Dolphins- Marquise Lee (WR, USC): Because of all the money the Dolphins have invested in Brian Hartline and Mike Wallace, it seems logical that they spend a pick on a wide receiver. Lee will do a great job after catch but lets hope he can catch the ball, basically the same dynamic as Mike Wallace. Then again, it will be hard for Ryan Tannehill to throw the ball if he continues to get hit the way he does. After all, it would be crazy to re-up the offensive line.

20. Arizona Cardinals- Vic Beasley (DL, Clemson): The athletic speed rusher does a great job of getting to the passer but an even better job of getting washed out in the run game. Not only will Beasley be a great 3rd down player he will also prevent the Cardinals from building their offensive line which needs a lot of help.

21. Green Bay Packers- Jace Amaro (TE,TTU): Aaron Rodgers gets a shiny new toy in Amaro. Unfortunately that toy cannot make contested catches but he had a lot of yards in college so he must be a first rounder right? Nevermind that the Packers gave up an opposing QB rating of 96, 2000 thousand rushing yards and had their QB sacked 45 times… They need another receiver.

22. Philadelphia Eagles- Stephon Tuitt (DL, Notre Dame): Nevermind that Fletcher Cox and Cedric Thorton are both coming off huge years, the Eagles apparently need another defensive lineman. Especially one who is a terrible technician and has questionable awareness. His rotation into the front will definitely help Cary Williams and Patrick Chung be less terrible.

23. Cincinnati Bengals– Jason Verrett (CB, TCU) Verrett is one of my favorite players in the draft and lucks out by landing on a very talented team with a great defense. Verrett will make an immediate impact, but I am not sure if he can stop Andy Dalton from choking in the playoffs.

24. Kansas City Chiefs- Brandin Cooks (WR, OSU): Cooks is a speed demon and will give Andy Reid a similar dynamic to what he had in Desean Jackson. He will do a great job of catching 35 of his 40 total targets on the year, but I am not sure he can help the secondary from collapsing in the playoffs again.

25. San Diego Chargers- Taylor Lewan (OT, Michigan): The gifted tackle will find himself as a great addition to the bench as the Chargers have been protecting Phillip Rivers quite well this year with DJ Fluker and King Dunlap.Hopefully Lewan uses his time to become a better technician and maybe watch the opposing team light up the Chargers’ secondary, which needs a lot of help.

26. Cleveland Browns (From Indianapolis)- De’Anthony Thomas (OW,Oregon): The Cleveland Browns stole this pick from Indianapolis when GM of the year traded away his day one pick for a running back who has the vision of a bat. Now that Cleveland has drafted their franchise backup in the top five, they can give him a new speed demon to play with. Now, Thomas should really only get 10 to 15 touches a game due to his frame, but he is really fast so he warrants this pick.

27. New Orleans Saints- Davante Adams (WR, Fresno State): Always good giving a quarterback a great new receiver. Adams is going to make the Saints look even better on offense, but can he stop the run?

28. New England Patriots– Louis Nix (DL, Notre Dame): Nix is a great talent and will do wonders to sure up the middle of that defense. However, I am not quite sure that he will change the fact that Tom Brady’s best receiver is a walking injury report and his most productive receiver used to play QB…

29. San Fransico 49ers– Kyle Fuller (CB, Virginia Tech): Fuller is a great corner who will be a helpful addition to a defense whose pass rush could make me look like a decent corner (I am not). Meanwhile, Colin Kaepernick is still probably waiting for one of his receivers to separate.

30. Carolina Panthers- Louchiez Purifoy (CB, Florida): The Panthers are in desperate need of secondary help as their corners are made to look a lot better by that vicious front seven. Here they select an incredibly athletic corner who is a lot more athlete than he is corner, but hey, when he eventually is realized as a bad corner, they can make him a receiver because god knows the Panthers need help there.

31. Denver Broncos- Bradley Roby (CB, OSU): Still shuddering from making Joe Flacco 120 million dollars, the Broncos draft Roby, an athletic corner who is great in man coverage and will do wonders for their mediocre pass defense. Just don’t watch Roby’s game against Wisconsin… Actually, avoid watching a lot of Roby’s tape and just watch his 2012 film…

32. Seattle Seahawks– Austin Sefarian Jenkins (TE, Washington): Apparently because Jenkins is really tall and plays basketball, he is going to be Antonio Gates right? Unfortunately, Jenkins has limitations as a runner that make him ineffective in most situations and his coaches have openly come out against his character and commitment… as have the Police. Well, worse comes to worse, Jenkins only has to put on another 20 pounds to play guard for Seattle which is what they really need.

I hope you enjoyed the humor. Take a look at my Real Mock Draft